Backwards birthdays

Don't you hate it when you wake up in the morning feeling like... wait, wait, stop, I've done the Ke$ha joke before. Start over!

It's been a full 7 years now since I dropped out of school (and, by extension, society), and yet in my half-asleep dazed state this morning I still managed to whimper “but mummy, I don't WANT to go to school, I'm tiiiired!”. I'm just never going to be free of it, am I? I'll be 83, dreaming about that damn school bus. Assuming science doesn't find a cure for dreams by then, that is.

The framework and background time fillers have, as predicted, been slightly lacking this week, so I'm very fortunate that I've been able to be amused by some of the apparently backwards happenings around me, starting with a lovely parcel I got on Tuesday! See, I always thought that you were supposed to RECEIVE presents on your birthday, instead I've been sent a lovely bonus one from Alex before I've even sent hers! My parents seem to have got the whole birthday concept a bit wrong too, considering that they got a nice watch for the wrong brother. He might well need it now he's a big senior at school, but isn't a watch meant to be a 21^st sort of present? Maybe they thought if there were watches all round I'd feel left out, so just decided to prioritise the littlest son. Ha, now he knows how it feels!

You know, I'm not entirely sure I've got the right message out of watching House. I'm sure the writers thought they were getting across a responsible message about the dangers of painkiller abuse, instead I seem to have taken the view that it took him 5 years to have any adverse effects from them, therefore a month or so of scoffing them like smarties isn't going to do any damage. Actually come to think of it, the “being mean to a girl for an extended period of time until she finally admits she wants you” moral of the Cuddy arc has worked out pretty well for me too.

Oh, and for all who laughed under your breath about my hatching Bulbasaur eggs last entry? Calm nature with perfect HP, Defence and Special Attack IVs, making it one of the best in the world on the day that its revealed grass drain moves have received a power boost for the next gen. HA.

Clouds

When I woke up this morning, (as well as feeling distinctly un-like P. Diddy, because that's not even a thing), I was struck by a thought, something incredibly profound and meaningful that I thought would make an excellent blog entry. Unfortunately for me and the world... by the time I was awake enough to organise my tangled web of thoughts into something resembling words, I'd forgotten it. I'm sure it was nothing earth-shatteringly important, just... actually wait, this is my blog and its completely unverifiable, so no, it WAS earth-shatteringly important, on a scale of solving the energy crisis or bringing peace to all faiths. Which only serves to make my later ponderings about clouds all the more mundane in comparison.

Have you ever really thought about clouds though? Like... really thought? If you took the concept of an ever-changing sky in abstract, it would sound like something out of a sci-fi novel. The ground beneath their feet on this mighty new planet was uniform and constant as far as the eye could see, but when they turned their pressure-helmets towards the heavens the canvas above danced with colours and shapes, transforming seemingly at random through epic phases of clear and dark streaks and patterns, infinite in their variable majesty! We just never really stop to question something that is and always will be.

And of course it goes without saying that even after a fortnight, I'm still without my horse.

Untouched... unhinged.

Don't you just hate it when you wake up feeling like P. Diddy? Oh wait... no. Because that's not even a thing!

For the last couple of days I've been using up all my writingness and creativity on real-life, pen and paper stuff instead of this. If I had a few more followers it might be a bad trade off, but seeing as a third of my audience will see the benefit, its probably worth it!

This is such a boring lull just now, with all my last wave of projects taken care of but their replacements to work towards still a couple of weeks away. I had hoped that one of my game deliveries might help fill some of the gaps, but most annoyingly I've had to use some of my writing allocation to send them angry emails for not sending me my free in-game horsey! It may be minor, but I bought from that shop solely on the basis that they'd give me free stuff, so I want it fulfilled damn it!

Did you know?: That Tatu's All About Us was in fact written by The Veronicas, before the record company reassigned it to the Russian pair? Isn't there something a bit off about that that it was originally written by and about sisters, and then co-opted to be about lesbianism?

Talking of the Veronicas (neither of whom is called Veronica, but still), one of them had a nudey picture scandal. Oh heavens! In this puritanical day and age, no less. Someone must inform the elders! However, it was made somewhat worse by one of their fan forums organising a “post your own nude pics in support of Jess” thread, requiring the poptart herself to intervene begging them to call it off. I think that might possibly be the most misguided show of support I've ever seen. But still, full marks for the execution.

Now That's What I Call Pondering!; vol 76

I hate when I've got all these ideas, thoughts and concepts swirling around in my head, but its so difficult to try and link them into any sort of coherent thread. It doesn't really make for the best of blog entries to just list a couple of random things that I've been thinking about...

First off, to give you an idea of the sort of boredom I must have been suffering with to realise this, but within my lifetime we're going to see the 2000^th anniversary of the death of one of the most influential people in literally the history of the entire earth. I wonder if there's anything planned for it?

It's been a busy week it seems for everyone around me, just... not me myself. I suppose I went out, and that should be a good thing, but its mainly just been very dull that so much of my time is spent resting and recovering instead of actually doing anything.

Another little piece of beautiful chaos that amused me – the other day, my brother and mum went down to visit my gran, where they returned with 3 packs of “spicy mexican chilli” flavour crisps. Because (of course), one of my gran's friends had bought the multipack, but didn't like that flavour, so it makes perfect sense to give them to her to pass onto her grandchildren “who like that sort of thing”. I love the sort of logic behind that for something so trivial, that something so utterly meaningless as the packet of crisps I'll have for/with my lunch tomorrow has a nice little origin story behind it, it's own little tale to tell of how it came to gain its place in the world.

Unfortunately the car exploded on the way home, so oh dear I won't be able to go out in it this week! What a shame that is. Somehow, I'll cope.

A-level results were this week, and more people have got As and A*s than ever before! This of course is an indication of the exams being dumbed down, therefore providing conclusive proof that because they scored higher than ever, today's teenagers are even stupider than ever before. Flawless logic.

Do you think if I keep a tab for the web page of a computer part that I want open long enough, one of the admins of the site will take pity on me and decide to send me it? “If he's this keen on it, he really deserves it for being such a generally top bloke. I'll just fetch his shipping address...”

Apparently we're now up to Now That's What I Call Music volume 76. Way to make me feel old – back in my day, I had Now 35, on TAPE. Not only am I 41 volumes out, I'm also two generations of playback medium. Three if you include minidisc, but... really, who would?

The other day I was channel surfing, and, after I'd spent an hour on the Military History Channel (watching The Atomic Ghost Fleet of Bikini Atoll, which was both entertaining and educational), I ended up catching the video to a Ke$ha song that I'd never heard before, called Take it Off. I was about to say 'her new song', but to be honest, it could be a year and a half old and this was just the first time I'd heard of it, I'm not really in a position to know either way. I was temporarily surprised to find that it had a catchy beat but wasn't annoying, and that in the video she was dressed in a very classy outfit with understated, attractive hair and makeup. Ah, maybe she's branching out?... Or not. Since by the end of the song she had, naturally, devolved into screechy ear-splitting nonsensical lyrics, had torn most of her clothes, and was now 'artistically' covered in powder paint and glitter as she mimed cutting herself. I'm sure there's a moral of this story somewhere about expectations, but seeing as its after 1am and I was struggling to make myself coherent anyway I think I'll just call it a night.

A Love Poem

Oh Ke$ha,
You are quite pretty
And you have wavy hair.
But I don't like your personality
Because you're quite slutty,
Even in an ironic way.
So it probably would never work out
Between us.
Also you can't sing,
But that's not exactly a dealbreaker
Because neither can I.

Beautiful chaos, logical pokémaths

David's Latias deals x amount of damage, using a move with 70 power. When it's finished its training, it will possess a move of 90 power, and have 50% higher base attack. How much more damage will an attack from this creature do?

Also, it's 2 o'clock in the morning, you're too tired to remember how to do percentages and you're on IM to your ex girlfriend, who doesn't realise that the maths problem you've just bewildered her with is Pokémon related and may attempt to stab you when she figures this fact out.

(The answer is “almost twice as much”, by the way. I finally figured it out at 3am after lying asleep for a while going over it in my head. I also remembered how to divide by fractions. She was not impressed to be informed of any of these points.)

We've got an extra brother around the house now, so 50% added chaos to be spread! In between the catch up on all the quality TV he missed in his 8 months away (that won't take long) and the Ally McBeal boxset marathon, that is. Apparently when he was at work in Vienna, he expressed a keen interest in the branded toasters that the hotel used, that burned the hotel logo onto the bread while they cooked them. In a wonderfully thoughtful gesture, as a leaving present, his co-workers managed to hook him up with one! Unfortunately, he had already packed his bags, so he had to attempt to take his brand new toaster with him on his hand luggage instead. It's interesting to note that the airport security at Vienna International had never seen a toaster show up on the scanner before, and by all accounts amused both him and them as they attempted to work out if any part of it was capable of being used as a weapon before allowing it onto the plane. And of course, since this was a European electrical appliance, it has a continental-style plug, meaning he had to grab an adaptor specifically for use on this one, sole toaster, that brands the corporate logo of his ex-employer onto his toast. It's nice to know that my capacity for creating beautiful chaos out of everyday life runs in the family!

In other news that will no doubt draw sarcastic comments as to my mentioning her AGAIN, apparently the infinitely wise and talented miss Ke$ha has been on record to say that the reason her songs are so shockingly slutty is because she's making a feminist point. You see, if a man said those things then they'd be seen as perfectly acceptable, so by drawing attention to the double standards imposed on men and women she's really just holding a mirror up to society.

I like this argument, a lot. If I ever say or do anything that annoys or upsets anyone, then I'm doing it to prove a point about how bad it is! Don't blame me, blame society for the unfair values that it attributes to doing that, whatever it might be. Flawless logic.

Words.

Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.

Buddha said that, and he was wise enough to get his own religion, let alone followers or minions. In fairness I only know about that quote through Civilization, but still. Words. Boyzone sang a song about them that was probably a cover, and is now annoyingly firmly implanted in my head. The pen is mightier than the sword. One of my favourite words is “fractal”. No real reason, I just like the way it sounds. Its funny, I don't particularly like the word 'blog' in and of itself, but some of the words that I've shared on it have maybe gone a little distance towards healing some things. Also, Ke$ha apparently doesn't like it when you use too many words, she prefers umm... physical deeds to the talking about them, to put it nicely. So I've heard.

Anyway, out of the minuscule amount of feedback I've received (HINT HINT HINT COMMENTS HINT) it seems that my lighter hearted posts have gone down better than my attempts at being deep and meaningful. Maybe I ought to dial back on the pretentiousness and stick to my zany adventures with telemarketers and hedgehogs, adjust the browmostat from high to low.

Anyway, to continue with the tenuous theme, today's word of the day in the house is “crispfinisher”. That's my brother's new name, and should any of my readers have contact with him in the near future, I expect you to address him as such. I feel it's relatively self-explanatory as to how he earned it.

I really do have that stupid Boyzone song stuck in my head now. Maybe I'll put it on on youtube to get back at the crispfinisher. He deserves no less.

Reminiscing in the rain, pondering as it pours

I thought it was meant to be summer? While London bakes in 30°C, I don't think its stopped pouring with rain here for about the last week. In some ways that's not so bad – I've delegated my garden watering duties to god, and he seems to be doing a pretty good job of it. A saved 3 minutes per day to sit on my arse and play Pokémon is worth sacrificing our summer for!

I actually went out in the deluge yesterday. I'm not entirely sure why yet again, this seems to be happening a lot to me lately. Maybe I have some sort of brain slug that's slowly trying to take control of me? Step 1 get a blog, step 2 get soaked... step 3 world domination? If anyone notices any changes in my personality (like being nice all of a sudden), alert the Pentagon, there's no telling what Zyglexz is going to do next!

Yes I named my imaginary brain slug. Sue me.

Anyway, back to reality, and although I hardly went far, I ended up out for 45 minutes. Things just... got awfully loud inside the house. At times, when I was under some trees, with the rain coming down steadily on the soft forest floor, it tapped into some sort of memory, as if I was almost there at something, if I just focused a bit harder then I'd uncover some sort of long lost link back to something I didn't even know I'd lost. Unfortunately when I tried to focus a bit harder and move on, instead of spurring on my impromptu quest to recapture my soul I somehow managed to get a Ke$ha song implanted in my head instead, where it remained for the entire rest of the walk. I saw a deer, which was nice, but when I got back all I'd really achieved was a thorough soaking necessitating a complete change of clothes, some more leg pain, and the lingering feeling that I'd been teased with something just out of my reach that I know fine well I'm never going to be able to comprehend.

Oh, and a psychotic desire to strangle anyone who claims to either brush their teeth with a bottle of Jack, or that “they know we got swagger”. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MEAN ANYTHING.

40% of my posts to date are now tagged with being about Ke$ha. This is a worrying start.

Culture Shock

Only a few hours in, and I've got some followers already! I like that. With Facebook (boo) it was just friends, MSN its contacts, but on here I have actual followers. Like Jesus! As it stands I've got 4... but one of them's anonymous! I wonder what this means? Is it someone who just found me on Google and thinks I'm interesting? A friend of a friend who doesn't know me? Even maybe an ex-friend who doesn't want anyone to know they care about the minutae of my life any more? Whoever it is, I'm very curious, I'd like to know what kind of odd circumstances mean you want to follow me, just... not publically.

Of course, it only shows those who are willing to reveal themselves on my front page, so I can just claim I've got a HUNDRED friends, they're just all anonymous and they go to a different school/are from Canada, so you wouldn't know them so don't try and look them up or anything but they're totally real and I'm going to see them next summer.

On the other point, I wonder what kind of people I don't know will stumble across this? Maybe I should try and push myself up the Google rankings by latching onto some pop culture. Twilight! High School Musical! Umm... Hanson?

As I've just unwittingly revealed, one of the side effects (or maybe perks) of my position firmly on the outskirts of society is that the term “doesn't get out much” applies very literally to me. I can usually be expected to be a solid 3 months behind any sort of trend, and case in point recently discovered what a Ke$ha was, putting all those MSN statuses that I thought were shockingly slutty at the time into some sort of context at least. I also have been reliably informed that Rihanna has a bangin' new choon called “Umbrella” that absolutely no-one is sick of yet.

Ella. Ella. Ella.